I began writing this post two days ago. I was actually almost done with it when I stepped away from my tablet for a moment not realizing my work was not saved. You can imagine my disappointment. I didn’t even want to make the attempt to write it again because I knew it would not have the exact same wording and feel, but such is life (deep sigh). At any rate, this gives me another opportunity to honor my wife, so here I go!
Allow me to brag on my wife today. She left me a beautiful voicemail Tuesday morning telling me how much she loves and appreciates me. Now, she always tells me she loves me, but this message was different. As my custom is, whenever she goes to work I start the car, carry her work bag out for her (that thing is heavy 😂), make sure she gets in safe, and wave her off as she leaves. Well, on Tuesday morning she went to work early, so it was still dark. As I was walking her to the car I stepped on a piece of broken glass. Surveying the immediate area, I realized it was all around the car, like someone just threw a bottle without care and respect for other people or their property. Anyway, I told her to be careful as she got in and I cleaned the glass up when she left. Afterwards, I seen and listened to the voicemail, my heart smiling with joy as I sensed something different and unique in her words. You know how you get the typical “I love you” from a spouse or family member? It’s not that it’s fake or superficial, it’s just “typical.” It’s regular, the normal thing a loved one would say to another, particularly upon leaving each other’s presence. However, this voicemail was anything but. It was original, emotive – it had life in it! Honestly, I knew it was special at first listen, but I didn’t know how deeply special it was until I began writing about it.
The Holy Spirit has recently made me aware of His leading me to hear, listen, read, stumble upon, etc., exactly what I need at the exact time I need it. (This is the true evidence of the Spirit of God in the life of a believer, as He does things on time in real-time‼️) Over the past few weeks (and perhaps longer) I have been in travail, extremely burdened by the weight of the Lord – the weight of vision, the weight of my calling and purpose – the weight I put on myself to fulfill it, the weight of my decision to leave my job, the weight that decision has put on my wife and family. Honestly, I always knew I would personally be ok in everything no matter the weight, so this recent burden was less about me and more about how my various “weights” have effected my family, my wife in particular. Watching her drive off for work is both a blessing and a burden, beautiful and bothersome. I smile when I wave her off, but deep down inside my soul cries in pain every time, as I continue to labor from the deep places of my spirit to make vision reality. I’m laboring with how I can help her – should I go back to work or not, should I do this or that, or just about anything to make it easier on her! In Truth, I know these are contractions – temporary bursts of pain that will lead to the birthing of something beautiful. However, even though they’re temporary they still hurt, and sometimes can last awhile. So, as my mind began to wander from the multitude of thoughts in my head, I began to feel myself break down. Just then, by the grace of Jesus, I began to mouth out loud “I’m not going back. I’m not going back there.” You see, the Lord Jesus freed me from the depths of despair and depression, the bondage of a weak and fragile mind. The thoughts may come and Satan’s weapons will be formed, but the power is in me (the Holy Spirit) to choose to let them prosper or not. I chose and will continue to choose not, and will never return to bondage again. With that statement of faith and love, the Lord answered me from the throne of Heaven with a voicemail message through my wife I won’t soon forget. It wasn’t just a wife leaving a nice, typical “I love you” message on a husband’s voicemail. No, not a chance. It was the Holy Spirit praying and interceding on my behalf, comforting, consoling, affirming, and encouraging me through my wife to stay strong and keep going.
Baby, I know I have been hard to love throughout our relationship. I have made it hard on you with my sudden, impulsive decisions in the past, spending OUR money on MY “dreams.” What did we calculate I spent on my music career? $15,000 – $20,000?? Yikes. I apologize sincerely, and I know this decision just seems like it’s me being my “typical” self. By the Spirit of the Lord, I assure you this time is different, just like your voicemail. And just like He redeemed me He will redeem that money in His time and for His glory. Hang on baby. Trust the Lord and trust me. Thank you for loving me. In Jesus name.