PARIS -- Lashinda Demus always knew she was an Olympic gold medalist. When she won a silver at the 2012 London Olympics in the 400-meter hurdles, she had a hard time accepting defeat. Demus entered as the favorite. She lost by .07 seconds, upset by Natalya Antyukh of Russia.
Finishing second cost Demus millions of dollars in endorsements, she surmises.
"When I came home, people were so supportive," Demus said. "But the sponsors never really followed up after that."
For Demus, it was never about the money. It was about conviction. She believed she was the best, so she struggled to accept second place. She kept her silver medal in a drawer. The mother of four boys would sometimes find one of her kids playing with it, as if it were a toy.
"I couldn't force myself to be proud of something that was never a goal of mine," Demus said. "I was very upset when I crossed the line. I knew there was a chance I might never make another team after that, and I didn't. I was proud of my career as a whole because I accomplished nearly everything I set out to do. But there was never a time I was proud of that moment."
It turns out, Demus had actually realized her goal. It just took another 12 years to get her gold.
Demus was one of 10 athletes from three editions of Olympic Summer Games to partake in a medal allocation ceremony here in Paris, after it was determined some of their competitors had doped. Antyukh, who lost her gold when she didn't appeal an Athletics Integrity Unit (AIU) ruling disqualifying her results from July 2012 to June 2013, was stripped of her gold, which then went to Demus.
"These athletes competed fairly throughout their careers in the true spirit of the Olympic Games," IOC member Emma Terho after the ceremony. "I am pleased that we've been able to celebrate them in a location befitting their achievements, and that they have enjoyed a special experience with their families here in Paris."
But for Demus, it was another fight just to get to Paris. It began in 2017, when the documentary "Icarus" came out, revealing a wide-ranging doping scheme in Russia, directed by the country's ministry of sport.
Demus watched "Icarus," but didn't want her mind to go there.
"I was neutral, because I was so far removed from the situation," Demus said. "I'm not going to assume every athlete from the country of Russia had doped."
Then, the truth was revealed. Demus, now 41, had moved on with her life. She got a job as a clinical researcher for a medical care company in California. Over time, she re-established a relationship with her sport, agreeing to coach the high school track team in Culver City.
When she learned about Antyukh, she looked at the situation clinically.
"I don't think she's the first and she's not going to be the last," Demus said. "You literally can't feel anything about anyone where it's not going to change anything. I just don't feel anything. I wish it wouldn't have happened that way, but it did. So I'm happy that justice was served and that people still want the integrity of the sport to stay intact. That's it. That's all I feel."
While Demus felt neutrally about Antyukh, her own conviction in herself only grew stronger. She knew she deserved better than the fate she received.
"You have to expect certain things in order for you to work towards them," she said. "Because if I didn't expect to be the best and to win all the time, there's no way that I would've woken up each morning and worked as hard as I did. In order for me to be that way, and to go after it like that, I have to expect to win and be the best."
Her mindset has adapted over time, especially as she works with high schoolers.
"Since I'm a coach, I'm like always telling them nobody is perfect. I think that I was one of those people seeking perfection. And that can be detrimental to your mental health," Demus said. "I'm a strong-willed girl, and I think that is one of the reasons why I was really good and rarely lost races. But when you don't hit those goals, how do you come back from that? It's difficult. But I do think that people should know it takes the mindset of not taking no for an answer."
When Antyukh's ruling came out, Demus knew she deserved a proper medal ceremony -- recognition for that work she put in. But that was up to the IOC to organize.
"Let's just say that they didn't first call me. I called them," Demus said. "I didn't give them a chance to call me. I called them with a lawyer to show I'm very serious about what I'm saying. Respectfully, listen to me."
According to Demus, the IOC initially offered for her to show up at a national or world championships for a makeshift ceremony. She wanted something on the international stage. Over the years, Demus had stayed in touch with Zuzana Hejnova (Czech Republic) who finished third and Kaliese Spencer (Jamaica) who finished fourth in the 400-meter hurdles in London. "We competed against each other for years, and there's a mutual respect," Demus said. "We follow each other on social media. Every blue moon, we'll send a message to each other. Like when someone has a kid, or a life moment."
Demus knew they earned more, too, so all three of them fought for something grander. Eventually it was determined they could have a proper ceremony in Paris.
Demus started a GoFundMe page which raised $21,000 to alleviate travel costs so that her entire crew -- her mother, father, four sons, niece and two cousins -- could come too.
On Friday, all three hurdlers were recognized in a ceremony in the middle of Champions Park, at the foot of the Trocadero in the shadow of the Eiffel Tower. Thousands of fans packed the stands.
"To see the crowd be as excited as they were, I was not expecting that." Demus said. "And then for all three of us to be there and getting it together, it was more like a team medaling instead of an individual thing."
But for Demus, what hit the hardest was seeing her boys hanging over the fence, waving flags. Her eldest twins are now 17 years old, fully able to appreciate all that their mother accomplished.
"I saw it, it produced a hunger that they want for themselves and they want a part of that action," Demus said. "And I knew that this would do that for them. And that's why it was so important for me to bring them, to view the world, to open your mind to, to see different things, to meet different people, to see how things function outside of your little bubble city. To see what greatness looks like."